I was in the Community Center because I had become overwhelmed with fatigue as I walked up Market Street toward the Castro branch library. I had slept well the night before, but that was the first in many nights that I had had a chance to do so. For a considerable stretch of nights prior to that I had been up much if not all of the night getting high and having sex.
Luckily the guy I had been with night before last took pity on me in the morning after our all-night binge.
He asked about my experience of homelessness. I told him that I have to begin each day asking myself where I am going to spend the night. As the day rolls on, I find myself anxiously hoping that I can answer the question before it is so late and so cold that I have to seek out the places where I can go inside for a few minutes at a time to get warm: a hotel lobby, a donut shop, an adult bookstore/video arcade.
The best alternative is obviously to be invited to spend the night in somebody's house or apartment. The downside to those invitations is that they pretty much always involve sex and drugs. So while I get to stay warm and comfortable, I rarely get to enjoy a full night's sleep.
He asked about my experience of homelessness. I told him that I have to begin each day asking myself where I am going to spend the night. As the day rolls on, I find myself anxiously hoping that I can answer the question before it is so late and so cold that I have to seek out the places where I can go inside for a few minutes at a time to get warm: a hotel lobby, a donut shop, an adult bookstore/video arcade.
The best alternative is obviously to be invited to spend the night in somebody's house or apartment. The downside to those invitations is that they pretty much always involve sex and drugs. So while I get to stay warm and comfortable, I rarely get to enjoy a full night's sleep.
When I told this truth to the guy I had spent the night with, he invited me to stay the following night, which was last night, "with no expectations." I was touched by his generosity, his true hospitality. I accepted and slept soundly for many hours. I awoke feling rested, and he started fondling me. I did my best to perform well. I was grateful for the sleep.
I long for a place where I can lie down alone. I am more grateful than I can say to the friends and acquaintances who have let me pass a night or two -- or more -- with them during these last months. Yet as kind as they have been, I have not been "at home" in their homes.
I long for a place where I can lie down alone. I am more grateful than I can say to the friends and acquaintances who have let me pass a night or two -- or more -- with them during these last months. Yet as kind as they have been, I have not been "at home" in their homes.
