Epigraph

“People whom fate and their sin-mistakes have placed in a certain position, however false that position may be, form a view of life in general which makes their position seem good and admissible. . . . This surprises us when the persons concerned are thieves bragging about their dexterity, prostitutes vaunting their depravity, or murders boasting of their cruelty. But it surprises us only because the circle, the atmosphere, in which these people live, is limited, and chiefly because we are outside it. Can we not observe the same phenomenon when the rich boast of their wealth-robbery, when commanders of armies pride themselves on their victories-murder, and when those in high places vaunt their power-violence? That we do not see the perversion in the views of life held by these people, is only because the circle formed by them is larger and we ourselves belong to it.” (Resurrection, Leo Tolstoy, trans. Louise Maude)

New Readers:

Please start reading with my first post "A Cup of Coffee". Originally posted on March 19, the archival date changed when I made corrections on May 13, which is the date under which you can find it now.

I'll learn to manage this all more smoothly someday, but at present I have at most only an hour online each day (that thanks to the San Francisco Public Library system, without which I would be lost).

Sunday, September 6, 2015

What Remains





I felt good yesterday afternoon.  My friend S and I had spent a couple of hours going over the application for a two-bedroom Below Market Rate apartment that was available in Dogpatch.  I was glad to have seen a property that I might realistically afford, but I did not feel excited in the way that I used to feel about any number of places that I had found to rent in years past.  I remember that I would fall asleep thinking about all the great things in what was to be my new neighborhood and picturing where various favorite pieces of my furniture would go in the new place with a giddy sense that it was just perfect and that I was meant to live there.

There were a couple of reasons not to feel giddy.  First, S and I were applying for this apartment together because neither of us has enough income to qualify for the Below Market Rate (BMR) studios and one-bedrooms that become available from time to time.  The rent on such units is $950 to $1050 per month.  (The market rate for a one-bedroom apartment is currently $3500 to $4000.)  The discount is good, but the Mayor's program requires that one show proof of income that is at least twice the rent, and on apartments with really low rents, the program usually requires income of two and a half times the rent.

Since many San Franciscans pay considerably more than 50% of their income in rent, it seems unrealistic to restrict the poor in this way.  The underlying assumption is that one needs 50% of one's income for other expenses, but such may not be the case.  For one thing, food is available free in many places throughout San Francisco.  So even for less expensive apartments, it is not true that a tenant would have to spend $1000 a month on food.  And if we are talking about a place renting (below market) at $2,000 a month, it would be hard for most poor people even to imagine spending $2,000 on food and other expenses.

Furthermore, since many poorer San Franciscans work at informal jobs (e.g. house painting, gardening, cleaning, running errands as a personal assistant) for which they are paid in cash that goes unreported, the Mayor's Office again discriminates against those whom it is supposed to help by requiring them to prove their income by showing pay stubs or a copy of their tax return from the previous year.

Luckily, the unit for which S. and I were applying was a two-bedroom renting for $1084 and requiring only $2168 in combined income, which together we could show.  

The second factor keeping our animal spirits from optimistic volatility was the fundamental fact that we were applying to be in a lottery for the property.  Our application would, along with many hundreds or even thousands like it, be merely tickets in a game of chance, and the chances that our application would win were so slim that they would (as my father used to say of skinny people) have to stand twice to make a shadow.  What's more, my personal experience has been, I am sorry to say, that the only lottery I would ever win is the one Shirley Jackson describes in her short story of that name.

Still, S. and I felt good because we were taking concrete steps toward a better life in better housing.  We have both been homeless in the recent past, and living in that kind of poverty takes its toll on one's ability to do anything.  Poverty, like incarceration, drains the will out of a person, and being released from either condition does not restore the will power that has been lost.  Even though I am no longer homeless, it is still easy to leave important tasks undone from day to day.  Day to day becomes week to month -- and longer.  When you have endured for a long time without a place to set your feet, it isn't easy to start taking steps again, no matter how small.  But there we were, huddled over the stack of papers we had to assemble, Xeroxing extra copies of everything.  We felt happy to be making some headway on our wobbly little legs.

Then this afternoon what little hope we had for this spin of San Francisco's "Wheel!-of!-Housing!" dissolved.  S. had taken our papers to the designated office while I was at work.  The girl at the counter rejected us immediately.  She said that our application lacked the proper documentation establishing residency.

As proof of residency, I had included a letter from the Housing Authority addressed to me which stated the amount of my monthly rent.  This official letter was not good enough because it was not one of the three documents listed on the application as establishing residency.  Nowhere on the list could one find "Official Letter from the City's Housing Authority."  Acceptable forms are (1) a utility bill for a San Francisco address; (2) a paystub showing a San Francisco address; or (3) a completed lease for a residence in San Francisco.  As for the first option, I live in an SRO and utilities are included in my rent, so I receive no utility bills.  As for the second, I drive a cab and as an Independent Contractor receive no paychecks and have no stubs.  I do have a lease, but I will need hours to search through the dozens of boxes in my storage unit for a copy of that lease which, after all, covers the room to which the Housing Authority letter was addressed and for which that letter stated the current rent.

You might think that given the depth of The City's housing crisis and the appalling spectacle of thousands of people sleeping on sidewalks and in doorways every night, the "Mayor's Office on Housing" would think its mandate included working with applicants such as myself whose particular lives do not fit so easily into a few bureaucratically defined boxes, but such is not the case.

God forbid that anything should be provided for the poor easily!  Handouts lead to moral depravity!  Make the lazy sons of bitches work for their food stamps and their SRO rooms, even if the work consists of shuffling papers and meeting arbitrary deadlines, waiting in endless lines in dreary offices.  Ronald Reagan taught us all about those Welfare Queens and Kings, and thank God the Clintons ended "welfare as we [knew] it."  We have got to do everything we can to keep them from getting their idle hands on our money! 

Why can't they just get a job!

*

It seems to me as though what is unraveling is the illusion of America.  The myth and the propaganda originate in the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson's rallying cry designed to sell the lower classes on the idea of going to war against their king for the benefit of a landed aristocracy.  The actual founding document of the nation-state, the rule book setting forth the operations of the federal government, is the Constitution, which in its original form (i.e., before the first ten amendments) mentions no rights or liberties belonging to individuals but instead concerns itself with property and the interactions between the various state governments, through which the landowning aristocrats already ruled each colony.  The Declaration's blather about liberty and about the rights of man was forgotten in the formation of the government.  The government concerns itself only with power relations and property.  The "American Dream", it turns out, has been just that -- a dream.  The reality is property.  What is real is real estate.

But every revolution that stirs up the common folk to fight and die on behalf of the upper classes ends up suffering the consequences of the rhetoric it used to do that stirring up.  And so we live in a plutocracy whose stability is threatened by the promises its founders made and never delivered on.

The promises of the Declaration live on, inspiring the people to keep pushing the government to realize the powers which the Declaration says belong to the people by divine right.  Despite institutional resistance, "we the people", organized and willing to sacrifice even our lives, as has often happened, keep moving the United States closer to its promise.  We expanded the electorate to include men without property, members of minority races including former slaves, and women.  Nevertheless, the full realization of the Declaration, the dream that called the masses from around the globe to these shores, the American dream, continues to be deferred.

We must ask with Langston Hughes, "What happens to a dream deferred?"  To Martin's dream?  To my dream?  To yours?

*

In these United States, there is a level to which neither charity nor common humanity descends.  America has its Untouchables, as is necessary in any society whose goods are not shared unconditionally.  What little "safety net" still exists in this country is not available to those who are most in need.

Mayor Lee, like so many of the tech industry's other cheerleaders, touts "The Sharing Economy" (a bit of Orwellian doublespeak) as an example of technology opening new opportunities for work.  He suggests that it may provide a remedy for unemployment and under-employment.  But the "sharing" companies do not benefit the poor.  They benefit the middle class, which is rapidly being driven into poverty, but not the untouchably poor.  You have to have money to earn anything in this new economy:  you have to own a car to drive for Uber and you have to have a place to live to make any money through "Airbnb".  The so-called "Sharing Economy" has no place for the homeless.

The sharing economy does not offer an alternative to regular work.  Instead it allows the increasingly pressured middle class to monetize assets.  Although I personally suffer from the decline in the taxi business due to the (I think) illegal operations of Uber, Lyft, and other "ride share" companies, I cannot blame the people who are ferrying rich kids around town in their own cars.  I doubt that they are following their passion by doing this work.  I doubt that they would be giving up their homes to Airbnb or working extra hours driving for Uber after their regular jobs if they could make a comfortable living without doing so, in other words, if they were paid a living wage.

*

Class trumps all other considerations in this town, and at this point class has come to determine one's eligibility to call oneself a San Franciscan.  Our avaricious and mendacious Mayor, a true Gollum*, fawns on the rich and casts the poor aside.  In his San Francisco, those who can least afford to lose their home, those most dependent on social services both private and public, are being evicted left and right, by Ellis Act, by fire, and even by neglect.

The Mission neighborhood's bi-lingual newspaper, "El Tecolote", in Volume 45, Number 16, tells the story of 20 people evicted from a boarding house because the landlord had failed to make repairs mandated by abatement orders dating back to 1995.  Eventually the city's building inspectors ruled it uninhabitable.  The landlord who failed to make the repairs died; his daughter inherited the two unit structure and sold it to a developer who has also failed to make any repairs.  Instead he evicted the 20 residents, giving them no time to pack their possessions or find new accommodations, and then chained and locked the doors.  The following day he removed the front staircase, which allowed access to the building, without bothering to get a permit for the work.  He then sent checks for $1800 to each of the evicted residents, but the day after mailing them stopped payment on them all.  The various parties involved, the former and the present owners and the city, argue in court about who is responsible for what, but still none of the repairs have been made and the 20 people who used to live in the building are unable to gain access to retrieve their belongings.  Ignored by the government and the land owners, they continue to live on the streets.  
 
In Ed Lee's San Francisco, the poor are not wanted.  If there were a newspaper in this town that was not owned by the same bosses who own City Hall, we might see headlines such as this:
MAYOR TO POOR:
DROP DEAD!

Or perhaps

CITY CLOSED
TO WORKERS EARNING UNDER $30,000

[*I heard Lee interviewed on the radio a couple of weeks back and noted that he pronounced sibilant terminal consonants with a prolonged quiet hiss.  I almost thought I heard him muttering under his breath, "My Precious, My Precious."]
 
*

One of the cruelest things about poverty is the havoc it wrecks on your will.  It galls me when I hear people suggest that the poor are lazy and have rightly earned their poverty because they don't have the will to work hard.  These people have got it backwards:  they have confused the cause with its effect.  It is simply not the case that hard working and motivated people make money and that lazy people do not.  If poor people are lazy at all, it is because poverty has made them so, and not the other way around.

Poverty erodes the will.  Not having resources means that you gradually give up on things, give up on your hopes to do X, Y, or Z.  A musician who cannot afford the equipment necessary to offer her music for sale online must soon lose her motivation to create music altogether.  She may even have to pawn her instrument to pay for food or a month's shelter in an SRO.  The more difficult a thing is to do, the easier it is to give up on doing it.

I cannot allow myself to think about how far I have to go before I will have what I used to consider a "normal" life again.  If I think about that distance, I want to throw in the towel.  So I have to break things down to the smallest steps and focus on doing those things one by one.  People say "Don't sweat the small stuff," but often that is precisely what you must do.  Do the small stuffs and let them accumulate over time to become the big deal.

*

"Them thats got shall get.  Them thats not shall lose.  So the Bible says, and it still is news.  Momma may have, and Poppa may have, but God bless the child that's got his own."

*

I hear much enthusiastic talk about "disruptive" businesses and technologies.  The talkers imply that this wave of "disruptive" products and business practices is something new, born from innovations that computer technology has made possible.  Nonsense.  The invention of the steam engine or of the internal combustion engine, the development of the electric power grid, the introduction of the telephone, of railroads, of literally thousands of products of the industrial revolution were just as disruptive to the ways people lived and the ways they made their living as mobiles, mega-data, and "The Cloud" are now.  And all the disruptions of the last 300 years have not been progress:  the have only manifest the capitalist industrial social order that ignores human values and counts only profit.  It is an order that chews up and spits out individual lives.

*

I heard a history program on KALW a couple of weeks ago which included a discussion of the history of containerized shipping.  The story is told in Marc Levinson's new book, "The Box".  Levinson talked about the unintended consequences of containerization, among them the disappearance of large factories from the United States and the emergence of China as the workshop of the world.  This was truly a disruptive technology.  Levinson did not talk about the disappearance of the men who worked along the shore, the "'long shore men", who unloaded cargo by hand in the days before containers.

Actually, I should not use the word "disappearance":  those Longshoremen did not "disappear" any more than the middle class in this country has "disappeared".  True, the once powerful Longshoremen's Union may have disappeared (only a vestige remains), but the men did not.  Those Longshoremen who lost their jobs stayed on in San Francisco.  They became an invisible community of impoverished souls who stuck together, supporting and caring for one another, living in SRO hotels south of market.  These proud workers who had struggled for a decent wage and decent working conditions, having lost their jobs to a "disruptive technology", found themselves disparaged as "bums" and their community looked down on as "Skid Row".

The men remained in SROs south of Market Street until the same elites who had "disrupted" their livelihoods and the work in which they took pride, got the city to exercise eminent domain and scrape clear the blocks where those hotels, those men's homes and community, had stood.  The capitalists called this brutal displacement of people "Urban Renewal", and where the SROs had stood they built Yerba Buena Gardens and the Moscone Convention Center.  Economically broken and separated from each other, the scattered individuals lost the power that they had had in solidarity with one another, the power that they had used in 1934 to win decent living wages for workers all up and down the west coast of the United States.

The Longshoremen's jobs were exactly the kind of jobs on which the foundation of the American middle class rested.  Today the "disruption" of those middle class jobs continues apace, as corporations continue to drive down wages and cut payrolls.  And again the workers whose jobs are lost to increase corporate profits are abandoned by the society at large.  Politicians propose strengthening the middle class by granting tax cuts for education and by instituting programs of "reeducation" and "retooling", responses that are entirely beside the point.  The jobs that paid a decent wage are gone, and the jobs being created are mostly low-paying service jobs.  Few high-paying technology jobs are being created.

So the people who made up the middle class did not "disappear" like honey bees and Monarch Butterflies.  The middle class was a cohort of individuals, and those individuals live on as the newly poor.  We buy groceries with food stamps and live in whatever marginal housing the State is still willing to subsidize.  And we too, like the Longshoremen before us, are now being subjected to the second step of the program:  we are being driven apart from one another, and our communities (the Mission, the Tenderloin) are being broken up by gentrification, while we ourselves as individuals are scattered in a general diaspora.

Communities are being broken up and the nexus of relationships in each of them destroyed.  Evicted and driven from our homes and neighborhoods, we are forced to move to places where we do not know our neighbors and are not known by them.  Thus are we prevented from coming together in trust and solidarity.  Thus are we kept from organizing and from resisting.

A viable resistance can only grow up among people who know each other and know that they can trust each other.  Such trust and such knowledge are possible only among people who live together in one place and can observe one another day to day and month to month and year to year.  The much heralded new "connectedness" that people think they find online cannot replace the connections people make by living in a shared public space.  Online, you can never be sure who the person with whom you are chatting really is.  Men create online personalities as women, and women as men.  Pederasts pretend to be teenagers.  The person with whom you are planning political action may be an officer of the law.  The person may be a robot.  The online world is one of smoke and mirrors, not one of truth.

*

The revolution will not be televised.

The resistance will not be organized online.

*

We have become commodities consigned to trash bins of remaindered items.  And I don't care what industry you work in, what company you work for, or what things you own, you too will be tossed aside for a newer model long before your spirit or your mind are ready.  In our economic system, nothing about you specifically is unique or uniquely valuable.  You can easily be replaced.  And you will be.

*


Disrupt
                                                                   Inter-
                                                                                                rupt
               Corrupt
Abrupt
                          Bankrupt
                                   Erupt
                                  Irrupt
Rupture

*

 Work is first and foremost one's means of surviving.  Genesis tells us that labor, whether woman's in childbirth or man's in earning his bread by the sweat of his brow, is Yahweh's curse on humanity.  Like any curse, labor is something to be endured.  What is more, one cannot endure without labor.  As they say, there is no free lunch -- or breakfast or dinner for that matter.  No free shelter or clothing or regular dental care either.

One of the fundamental injustices in "free" market capitalism, specifically in the handling of labor as a marketable good, is that the relationship between employer and employee is completely one-sided.  The boss holds the power of life and death over the working woman or man who is powerless.  If I quit my job, my employer faces the minor inconvenience of hiring a replacement.  If my employer fires me from my job, I face possible homelessness and starvation.  Believe what I am telling you because I know.  I have spent nights walking street after street through the city because falling asleep in a park or on a sidewalk or in a doorway leaves one terrifyingly vulnerable to predators.

I have been hungry enough to experience the struggle between hunger's weakness (the body's fuel spent, the lamp flickering out) and hunger's deep, visceral, aching pain.  I wanted only to surrender to my fatigue and stay in my makeshift bed, however uncomfortable, and let the cold and the darkness rise like water around me, lapping at my sides, yet the knife and the rack and the thumbscrews of hunger drove me to stumble out and search for food.  This is the condition in which humans subsist when we cannot find work.

Those who know this condition, those who know poverty, know also that rising above such a level, acquiring housing and food, is not the same as a cure, that a reprieve is not exoneration.  Those who have lain in their bed listening to poverty scratching at the doorway, heard it pacing on the other side of the cardboard box in which that bed is made, smelling its rancid hot breath in the cold night air, know that the relative safety of climbing a step or two up the ladder is just that: relative safety.  Those of us whose parents struggled through the Great Depression know that the behavior poverty necessitates does not change with subsequent wealth and comfort.  My mother and father spent their retirement touring the world by air and by sea, traveling first class, and yet they still scraped every last bit of jam from each jar, kept every rubber band, used and repaired and reused everything as a way of life.

Once poor, one cannot breathe freely or live without a debilitating degree of anxiety until one can feel secure in having a regular income that is sufficient to one's immediate needs and additionally includes enough to pay for the unforeseen necessities, to cope with accidents, with disease, with upheavals of society and of nature.  People need a secure predictable wage in order to enjoy physical and mental health and to have at least a chance at happiness.

The "gig" economy, piece work, the treatment of employees as "independent contractors", in short, the "Uberization" of work, is nothing but vicious oppression of the working man and woman.  This new economy of "disruptive" businesses is celebrated by the capitalist class, who are made richer by this aggravated exploitation of labor, and by the media whose mouths are fed by the capitalist's checks, and by politicians, who are on the payroll of the rich as surely as anyone else.  But here in San Francisco, under the heel of this booming tech economy, as that heel grinds down on us harder and harder, the talk about having the "flexibility of making my own schedule" and "being able to work when I want to, allowing me to pursue my other interests as well" is the rhetoric of a macabre Doctor Pangloss.  Those phrases are a cruelly disingenuous pretense that "All is right with the world."  The reality is that we struggle to find opportunities to work, and when we find them, we exhaust ourselves working every minute that we possibly can trying to afford the minimum necessary for subsistence -- and working just as hard trying not to collapse in despair.

And the attitude toward those of us who cannot find work -- because of their age or race or gender or the educational system that neglected them in their youth -- is, as a young man in my taxi said one night, that "they'll die off soon anyway."

Saturday, July 4, 2015

The New Poor

I sometimes think that the burdens of poverty fall most heavily on the new poor, that is, on those who were until recently middle class.  Neither their education nor their many friends (or "contacts") provide any meaningful help.  Their education included no lessons on how best to use the resources of a social worker; or on the protocols that apply in the lines for St. Anthony's Dining Room or for the meals served at Glide Memorial Methodist Church; or on keeping one's person and one's clothing clean and presentable when one is living on the street.  And as I learned quickly and much to my surprise (how naive I was at almost 60!), once you have no money, those "contacts", the fellow board members and the buddy-buddy major donors who might have helped you find a job, suddenly don't know you at all.


The new poor have no idea how to negotiate daily life without money.  It is all new to them.  Their problems are compounded by the bourgeois habits and the middle-class ideas that they cannot seem to give up.  For example, I recently met a man who has been homeless since declaring bankruptcy four years ago.  I asked him whether he had applied for GA (General Assistance, a $400 per month cash payment, which is all that's left of welfare).  He said that he had not because he would not qualify because he owns a car.  I believe that my mouth actually fell open in the moment of silence it took before I could gather my wits together again and ask "Well, why don't you sell it?"  His answer:  "I need reliable transportation to get to work."  He hasn't worked in four years.


It gets worse.  His car is a Jaguar for which he paid $42,000.  "I would only get, like, $5000 for it, and I can't do that.  It's stupid."


Four years of enduring the vagaries of street life have not relieved this man of his crippling attachment to possessions and to the social status which those possessions denote.  Of course even the rich are owned by their possessions, a fact that runs counter to thee belief that money buys freedom and happiness.  And this man's case reveals how deep the servitude to objects can run.  He clings to that Jaguar as if it were a life raft that will keep him afloat until he can be rescued or until he washes ashore on a habitable island.  He thinks -- I am quite sure -- that if only people could see him driving around town in his Jag, he would no longer have to begin every new acquaintanceship by explaining himself, by trying to make every new person whom he encounters see that his current situation is not part of his "real" life..


The new poor have the tendency to think that the solution to their problems is to return as quickly as possible to the life they used to lead.  They cast about for a job that pays what they used to earn so that they can have the kind of house, car, and wardrobe that they used to own.  They soon find that no such jobs are forthcoming.  They tally their losses and worry over them like rosary beads (Jaguar, Chief Operations Officer, luxury condo in Laguna Beach, NYU, flying from New York to Paris for the weekend, season tickets for the opera).  When you meet the new poor, they very soon recite the list of their possessions (which they no longer possess) and the positions they held in their past career, noting their professional achievements (e.g. Number One in Corporate Sales for Apple in the Southern California Region) as if these were the Stations of a Cross which they now bear.


What they cannot bear is the sense they have of their own invisibility.  They want those who look at them to see a success, a valuable member of society, who despite recent losses is still the same person -- the same middle-class person -- as before.  This attachment to a lost middle-class identity cannot help these people in their new life.  In fact, their inability to cast off the husk of bourgeois identity hinders them from discovering the possibilities of their new appendages, those soggy, limp growths on their backs that -- if they could only wriggle free from the shell of their old personhood -- could be spread out in the sun and become a power that would allow them to fly.  Caught up in who they used to be, they cannot accept who they are.


They cannot accept that the poor on whom they used to look down are their brothers and sisters.  Instead they become more prejudiced -- more racist, more classist -- than ever.  They trumpet their disrespect for the Have Nots because it proves the truth which they have been trying to explain, namely that they are "really" Haves.  And so they alienate themselves from their true community and inevitably from their true selves.  Encased in memories that now function as nothing more than delusions, locked up in the prison of middle-class values, they cannot enter fully into their new -- their real -- life.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Memorial

[Note:  Until now I have avoided identifying individuals about whom I have written here and have confined myself to using only their initials.  I have decided, however, that in the case of individuals no longer living, I will use their full names.]

 
My phone rang one Thursday morning, and seeing my friend Franz Wright's name displayed as the caller, I smiled and answered "Hello!"  I heard a woman's voice -- not his wife's -- asking whether I was who I am.  When I answered "Yes", she told me that Franz had died a couple of hours before.  I said just enough to say nothing and thanked her for the call.

Thursday being the first day of my weekend, a day on which I mostly catch up with sleep, I began the weekend like any other by sleeping all day and into the night.  Throughout the weekend I did not mention his death to anyone, either in emails or in conversations.  Early the next week I received an email from another friend, M. P., telling me that Franz had died.

Franz and I had been friends in high school but had not communicated with one another in the four decades that followed.  M.P., also a poet, was the man who got us talking and writing to each other again after all those years.  I had to respond to M.P.'s email, and doing so put an end to the silence in which I had managed to keep the news at bay.

I needed to begin thinking about the disappearance of my friend.  I read various obituaries, including the passages from Franz's poems quoted in them.  Yet when I opened one of his books to read his work in full, I could not do so.  I could not hold his voice in my head knowing that I would hear him no more.

I knew two Franzes.  the first, with his long hair and soft face, shy, gentle, was already deeply serious and committed irrevocably and without hesitation to poetry at an age when the rest of us were fumbling through a variety of imagined futures; the second, his visage craggy and his manner outspoken, defiant, and critical, was clearly secure in his status as a poet, proud of his accomplishment and jealous of its value.

Between them lay forty years untold.  We had lived in worlds wholly apart.  Yet when we were reunited in the last few years, what a special joy it was to find the same man I had known as a boy.  It was not just that we understood one another's references and touchstones.  Any of our contemporaries would make those same connections (Patty Hearst; Suzy Creamcheese) and would understand one another.  No, it was much more.  The only way I can describe it is to say that when Franz spoke, I heard my own words, my thoughts, coming out of his mouth.

Yet of course Franz wasn't me.  I have stumbled through life.  Franz pursued a path that, if not always clear, nevertheless always pointed at a clear destination.  This clarity of purpose in his career was matched by an inward assurance of righteousness, not some cheap belief that one is always right but the moral certainty of knowing right from wrong.  Franz was able, despite knowing his own weaknesses and failures (or rather because he knew them), to judge with clarity the people and events he encountered in his lifetime.

I loved him for referring to his Pulitzer Prize as "the Putz Prize."  I also loved him for quoting another acquaintance of mine, Richard Howard, who said, "We have now come to the point in this country where there are more poets than there are people who read poetry."

I boarded a bus one day a week or two ago and saw two boys, high school students I would guess, probably about 13 or 14 years of age.  They spoke with great energy and seriousness.  Now and then, they burst out in laughter.  Without hearing any specific words, I could tell by their affect what they were saying, what kinds of things they were saying.

Their youth was almost shocking.  Their skin seemed translucent.  Their shared looks, by turns conspiratorial, sarcastic, enthralled, showed how thoroughly they understood each other.  I wondered whether, forty some years ago, some old man riding a bus had looked at Franz and me, unobserved by us, and had seen what I now beheld.

*

An awareness of growing old has come upon me quickly in the last year or so.  I had felt myself to be unchanged in age since early adulthood and took little notice of differences in age among others.  What differences I observed between people in their thirties or forties or fifties were superficial matters of getting or not getting references to popular songs or old news.  But lately I feel dissociated from much of the society around me and particularly from the future that seems to be unfolding.

I feel this alienation most sharply in the unquestioning acceptance of -- and the belief in the goodness of -- what is called "technology", that is, new electronic devices.  When I stop to count up the things lost to technology, I realize that the change has been going on for decades, especially since the widespread adoption of personal computers and the Internet.  Travel agents, telephone books, maps, bookstores, and record stores were among the earlier losses.  More recently the pace has accelerated:  gone is real, physical mail, books, movie theaters, records and CDs, pay phones, and soon enough, I fear, taxi cabs.

My reaction is visceral in part because I know personally what the loss of these objects and institutions has meant when considered as the loss of jobs, and the subsequent ruin of individual lives.  American society has not made provision for the bookstore clerks, travel agents, postal employees, et al. who have lost both their incomes and their places in their communities.  The politicians, social scientists, and business leaders, to the extent that they pay heed to the problems that these people face, talk about the "need to retool", about providing educational programs so that these people can work at new jobs being created in the "information economy."

Such talk is a glib obfuscation of the reality that these unemployed people live daily.  It is a cruel hoax to pretend that tech companies will hire them, "retooled" or not.  [And look at the disrespect in that word "retooled", which speaks of people as if they were inanimate machines.].  Technology companies simply do not hire people over 40.  Nor will most other companies, since they assume that older workers will retire at 65, just as they once assumed that young women would leave careers to have children and so did not hire them.

Furthermore, those who do get hired and begin a second career find that any one job is the not the same as any other.  We are not pegs that can be pulled from one hole and stuck into another equally well.  We spend a great deal of time and energy identifying the work that we want to do, at which we can do well, and of which we can be proud.  So even if our national economy were creating new jobs in sufficient numbers to absorb all those displaced by internet based automation (now called "disruptive technology"), the people who would be forced to take those new jobs would still have lost much more than could easily be replaced.

A job is not just a job:  it is an identity; it is a role in one's community; it is a life.  The American mythology declares that an essential part of our "freedom" is that we can choose what kind of work we do, and the positive thinking self-help gurus tell you to "follow your passion" in developing your career.  Leaving aside the complete falsehood of the myth that "the money will follow,"(which I shall take up in a later essay), I want to make the point that the myth itself implies that jobs are not interchangeable.

Those who worked as travel agents, booksellers, etc. now find that the expertise, understanding, and skill which they developed over a lifetime no longer hold any value.  The job that defined them and gave them a source of pride has been taken by machinery that juggles 0s and 1s.  This is the worst aspect of their unemployment.  They have been tossed into the trash.  People who worked hard, played by the rules, and believed the culture's promise that their efforts would be repaid with respect and prosperity in their "golden years," are instead expected to learn new skills and adopt new identities doing work which they do not have sufficient years left in their lives to master.  The skilled worker, the lucky one that is, has been forced to take up a new line of work at which he or she will never have time to reach the level of competence, of pride, and of compensation they once had at their previous work.  The unlucky worker is simply abandoned to live out her or his final years in the useless and meaningless struggle merely to survive that is poverty.

I know the truth of what I say because I live in the middle of it every day.

*

I remember an afternoon in 1978 (I think) when my first partner (we called them "my lover" in those days) Tom and I went to see a travel agent in Wellesley.  Living in the Northeast, we liked to go somewhere sunny and warm every winter.  The travel agent told us about Negril, Jamaica, where five small hotels, each having only about 20 rooms, were strung along seven miles of perfect white sand beach at the western end of the island.  He booked us into a hotel run by delightful German woman who made sure that we knew the best spots to visit at that end of the island.  Our vacation was idyllic, and my memories of it are vivid to this day.

I do not think that we would ever have considered Negril if we had been searching the internet on our own.  For one thing, the then-current political turmoil and violence in Jamaica would probably have led us to skip the island entirely.  But as the travel agent knew, that unrest was taking place in Kingston, at the other end of the island, and Negril was peaceful.  What's more, enough tourists were put off by the political news that those five hotels were all only half full, meaning that only about 100 people at most were vacationing along seven miles of beach.  We spent whole days naked in the sun without seeing a single person along the endless horizon.  On that westward facing pristine beach, we watched overarching sunsets each night.  None of these joys would live with me today without that travel agent.

During our week there we saw workmen beginning to survey and to bulldoze a piece of land just north of our hotel.  They had begun to build the Negril Beach Village, a Club Med resort which today, I imagine, brings many thousands of people who book their vacations online to over-run that once pristine beach.  I imagine the beach littered with plastic cocktail glasses and little paper umbrellas.  I hope that sweet German woman made a fortune selling her hotel and got away to parts then and now unknown on the Internet.  But how sad it must have been for her to leave such a paradise, driven out by the fiery swords of the angels of commerce.  I hope that she never looked back.

*

And I wonder what became of that travel agent.  I have never been good at estimating people's age and have no idea how old the man was.  I have the impression that he was not much older than we, so it is likely that he could be living now.  Of course, like Tom, he may have died of AIDS decades ago.  But if he lives, it is certain that he no longer works as a travel agent.  His job most likely disappeared fifteen to twenty years ago.  With it went the possibility of his sharing his vast knowledge of the world and its delights with any more than a handful of personal acquaintances.  His expertise lost all monetary value too.  So much for a "sharing economy" -- a phrase that I detest for its misrepresentation of businesses by which "them thats got shall get", imbuing those businesses with an aura of benevolence that belies the fact that more often than not they are ruining the lives of "them thats not."

I doubt that the travel agency sold for a fortune.  I doubt that it sold at all.  More likely it folded, and he left with his personal belongings on the last day, perhaps casting a wistful glance over his shoulder at the posters of exotic and historical places that hung on the wall behind the desk where he had labored for many years.

Was he able to retire to one of those distant places he knew so well?  If he was indeed our age, he was probably too young to afford that.  Maybe he got a job at one of the nearby tech companies then flourishing along Route 128.  If so, I doubt that he earned anything like what he did as a travel agent, when you factor in the flights and accommodations and meals that airlines, hotels, and restaurants offered all travel agents, and I doubt that he could ever enjoy his passion for travel again.  The witch Winfrey and the smug Wayne Dyer should think of him next time they dispense such platitudinous advice as "follow your passion, and the money will come."  Oprah shit.

[I cannot resist noting that when I could not recall Dyer's name, I googled "pbs guru self help" and his was the first name that popped up.  God bless the Internet!  Now let's try "Idiot President United States" and see what comes up!]

*

But now back to me.

(I am reminded of the diva who, in the midst of an interminable monologue about the glories of her career, turned to her companion and said, "But enough about me!  What do you think of me?")

I have been writing about those who lost their jobs, lost their lives, due to economic changes which were for the most part brought about by technological changes and the development of new infrastructure.  I live among these people but must admit to having arrived here by a different route.  I was not forced out of my position in life by economic change, by automation, or by what is called "Disruptive Technology."  I just never found my place to begin with.

I am a very good student and have been blessed with an exceptionally good education.  I believe that I think clearly and that my conclusions are sound.  I hope that I write well.   I am physically presentable, and I think that people do, on the whole, enjoy my company.  I communicate easily with other people.  But none of these elements of my character are easily monetized in this economy.  I spent almost all of my adult life in sales positions, and I am not a good salesman.  An elusive aspect of my character, "temperament", is at fault:  I am temperamentally unable to make people buy things that they are not sure they want, and the ability to do just that is what defines sales.  As a result, I never really succeeded in business.  I merely scraped by.

I am also not good at managing other people.  I am in particular incapable of disciplining others.  For that reason I have no place in any managerial or supervisorial capacity.  That incapacity is also the reason that I was not a good teacher.  I struggled painfully to grade student's work.  I could not separate their errors from my failure to teach.  As far as I was concerned, inadequacies in their work resulted from my failure to communicate clearly the nature of either the subject matter or the assigned task.  I was miserable.

I was not tossed from my niche by some "disruptive" iconoclast.  It was rather that in all the gorgeous palaces, the solemn temples, the cloud-capped towers, yea the great globe itself, I never found the corner in which I was made to stand.

Sunday, March 15, 2015